Getting through the grief

So those of you who know me and my family, you know what we've been through this year.

My Mama Mary passed away December last year. She was my absolute favorite person in this whole world besides me kids. And sometimes my husband.

On May 31st, my daughter's riding instructor was killed in a car accident.

On June 3rd, my friend lost her battle with a brain tumor, leaving behind a husband and 4 year old son.

Mama Mary's death was hard enough what with me not being able to go home and be with my family and attend her funeral. But then we missed Mindy's funeral because we did not know she had died and we missed Keli's funeral because we couldn't get out there for it.

I've had a few break downs in the past 3 months. Major breakdowns. So I started a grief support group at my church this fall. It's been 8 weeks and I have to say, it's helped so much.

One thing is, I get why I feel the way I feel right now. And it's not because I'm crazy. It's because I'm grieving. Another thing I've learned is there is no time limit on grief, folks. So the next time someone you know loses someone give them time to heal - however much time they need. If it's a year, give them a year. If it's more, then let them heal. It's not just about the "5 stages of grief." Once you accept the loss, you have to learn how to live your life without your loved one.

The idea of a world without my Mama Mary is a difficult world for me to discover. Even though I only saw her once in the past 7 years, being so far away. And even though she had dementia and didn't recognize me - I still see her in her house and myself at her counter and us just chatting away. And sometimes I feel lonely without her. It's a little bit silly, but there it is.

And sometimes I think "oh I Keli would love to see this picture of the kids." Or when we're down at the ranch for riding lessons with Mindy's niece, sometimes it shakes me to the core we won't see Mindy. Sometimes, my daughter cries herself to sleep because Mindy was her best friend, my heart breaks all over again. And so, these are the emotions I face constantly.

So in this group, these are the things we're working on:

Four Tasks of Grief

-Accepting the reality of the loss

-Experiencing the pain

-Adjusting to the environment in which the deceased is missing

-Emotionally relocating the deceased in our lives

I've been stuck on experiencing the pain since I started the group. Because I'm allowing myself to feel it. I'm allowing myself to feel the sorrow of the losses my family has experienced this year. I know now that there is hope and I will feel better. I'm doing a lot of work and I honestly feel myself slowly coming out of the hole I've been in all year. It doesn't feel as dark around me. It doesn't feel as suffocating. I've even been able to turn to Husband and get his support, as he is going to the group with me as my support system.

If I have time, I am going to use this blog right now as my extra support. Stay with me.