Uh, Yeah I Did.

I did. I read the Twilight Saga. All 4 books. I put my life on hold, leaving dishes in the sink and floors un-mopped and dinner undone. I had conversations with husband that went something like this:

Husband: Blahblahblahblahblah
Me: "Huh? What?"

I tried to pay attention. I know he hates being ignored, but all I could think was "will you please shut up so I can get back to Bella and Edward?"

I teased him for a while there, "I've fallen in love with another man."

Well, that was until I read Eclipse. And then Breaking Dawn (groan).

I don't really know if this is a book review, just some things I'm thinking about after finishing all 4 books. If you haven't read them and want to, there will be spoilers here. I know I am not the first person to talk about the books or movie and I'd say I'm the last person alive to read them, but I know of 2 people who haven't so I don't feel like such a late-comer. I'm late to everything, by the way. I didn't read Harry Potter until the last book came out. I was equally addicted to those books and read all 8 in 5 or 6 weeks time. Husband says I'm not allowed to read books anymore after this last bout.

First and foremost, I have to say this. Twilight is not equal to Harry Potter. Stephenie Meyer wishes she could write as well as J.K. Rowling. For people who said "Move over Harry Potter" or "Twilight is the next Harry Potter" have something seriously wrong with them. Other than the obsession Twilight brought, the books are shabby compared to Harry Potter.

That said, I loved Twilight, the first book in the saga. I only decided to read the books after seeing the movie. I didn't want to waste my time if the books sucked and I'll be honest, I was peeved about all the Harry Potter comparisons. Cedric Diggory does make a fine-ass emo vampire though. The movie was hard to get into at first. I found it really lacking in anything interesting. She just accepts he's a vampire? Like it's nothing. The movie could have done a bit better with that. Fight it as I did, at some point in the movie I was sucked (no pun intended) into the story. So I picked up the book.

I had a hard time getting into the book at first. I found the writing to be completely typical. Kind of like reading one of my old notebooks from high school with my silly little stories in it. Funny, I wrote about vampires then too, thanks to Anne Rice (Interview with a Vampire, anyone? hel-lo!). Or it was like reading my lame ramblings on this blog. Much like the movie, at some point I was drawn into the story.

Edward and Bella. Bella and Edward. Star-crossed lovers. Destined to be together even though they shouldn't. All that passion and tension reminded me of my first love and I found myself feeling like a giddy teenager. Only I'm 25 (cough) and I am married and I have 2 kids. My life can be boring at times and this book helped break up the monotony.

I digress. Edward wants to suck her blood because it's like a drug to him. Bella wants to jump his bones. You know, typical teenage angst type stuff. As much as I think Stephenie Meyer's writing leaves much to be desired, I have to say she captured the whole teen-angst thing pretty well. I remember feeling awkward and clumsy and inadequate most of my teen years. Even into my early 20's. Shit, I still feel inadequate most of the time.

Edward has to save Bella's life more than once. And so we go on to the next book, New Moon. I loved this book as well. As repetitive as Meyer is with her writing, I found this book heartbreaking. I should have, Bella is heartbroken. Edward leaves her to "protect her." Say what you will, but it reminded me of having my heart broken for the very first time. It was crushing. And it consumed me for a really long time. But, Bella had Jacob during this time. She clung to him even though she shouldn't have and he fell in love with her.

Edward and Bella are reunited in the end. This is where it gets tricky. How do we go from Bella being really smart to her being completely dense? How does it even make sense for her to think Edward only wanted to die from guilt and not from losing her forever? If my man wanted to die from guilt, I'd think he was a pansy. How could she not have made the connection of "your brother tried to kill me so you leave?" Instead, she was thinking Edward left cause he couldn't stand her and towards the end of the book, I wouldn't have blamed him.

Eclipse comes next. I read this book and it just wasn't as exciting. Edward is too possessive, too controlling, always telling her what she should and shouldn't do. Bella doesn't put up much of a fight, which kind of goes against her stubborn nature Meyer so carefully pointed out 9,000 times in the previous two books. So here we have some personality changes. And then Bella discovers she's really in love with Jacob and Edward and she hates herself for hurting both, but she chooses Edward. He saves her. Again. And poor Jacob is left to run off and be a wolf for a while. Oh, did I mention Jacob is a werewolf? Yeah, that happened in New Moon.

At this point, I am almost on Team Jacob. Edward is too pushy with her. He thinks he knows better than her what's best for her. It's a weird fatherly thing I start getting off of him and it's irritating. Jacob is always honest with Bella, even if it hurts her. He's rough and tough with her because she can take it. He doesn't tell her what to do. He does manipulate her though, but that's typical of an immature dude.

Breaking Dawn. I mean, come on! It's like she wrote this book with the movie scenes in her head. Wedding night sex? Cut to the waves of the ocean lapping against the shore. Any other time they "share passion" she cuts away, only using innuendos and stupid adjectives. The whole mutant baby thing was so disappointing. I was very impatient with that. But since it's no secret her Mormon background was influential in her writing, I have to say it. That's what you do, if you're Mormon. You get married really young and you have the baybies. Lots and lots of baybies. Even if the babies are half vampire.

Then the ending is put in a pretty little box, wrapped up in pretty paper and a nice bow is placed on top. Everyone lives through the Volturi invasion (is that supposed to be the Catholics?) and since they held fast to their beliefs (vegetarianism mormonism?) they all get to live together forever. I wonder what level of Heaven they all get to live in?

Oh and I forgot to mention how Jacob imprints on Bella's baby, Renesmee. (Ugh! That name gets on my nerves! It is the worst name in the world!) It's sort of sickening. I mean, there's Bella's insistence that it's "not like that for Jacob." But really, his soul mate is a mutant newborn baby? Wait. I thought Bella was his soul mate? Wait, he's gonna end up with the baby when she grows up in 7 years? Is the whole "I changed your diapers" thing gonna be bedroom talk? That's hawt.

Meyer is definitely not J.K. Rowling. Rowling could at least end her story with a non-irritating finale. Gay wizards or not, that's so much better than the sappy, ooey-gooey, barf-inducing ending Meyer gave her characters. So disappointing. I should have stopped with New Moon. Meyer should have stopped with New Moon.

By the way, I do look forward to the New Moon movie. I just wonder how they will make Breaking Dawn less of a crap pile for a movie?