Day One of the 30 Day Challenge is to discuss current relationship status. According to Facebook, I am married. So it must be true.
I have been married 9 years on the 21st of this month. We didn't have a Christmas themed wedding, but I have always liked having my anniversary this time of year. In fact, we did plan to have our wedding on Winter Solstice. We got married at midnight, so my husband's friend could marry us before he left for his Christmas vacation. It's hard for me to write this post today, knowing my anniversary is around the corner. I get sentimental and I think about how romantic our anniversary is. Or could be.
I want to be writing "I'm so happily married, here is the secret to our success!" But my marriage has been in trouble for a long, long time. Now we're at that point where it's just awkward and tense. We don't fight. But that's because we don't talk. We orbit around each other, but of course our planets never merge. This is our life for now. Something needs to change. Something has to happen. This is driving me crazy.
I have my moments where I'm so very sad we're in this place. And I'll start crying and it doesn't matter where I am or who I am with. The tears have a mind of their own. A lot of the time, I'm really very angry and I don't know how not to be. It's selfish to say, but I know what I want for my life. So, at this point, do I accept what my life is, considering I have actively participated in every single event that has happened up til now (and participated enthusiastically, I might add) and let go of my hopes and dreams? Or do I take the very terrifying step to change absolutely everything?
This gives me a sad.
ReplyDeleteI've never been married, and my longest relationship was with a psychotic, controlling, dickhead, so I don't claim to be an expert on relationships by any stretch of the imagination.
All I can say is that life is infinitely too short to be miserable.
You are so right. I'm sorry it made you sad.
ReplyDelete