Now, I am not the organized type. One could look at my home and tell you that. But every troop has 2 adult leaders. Lucky for me, I got paired with an über organized mom. It's also very lucky for the girls.
For the most part, since we're both new at this, we've been fumbling around. I think all the girls are having fun. And I gotta say, I'm very happy Lil Miss can be involved in such a great organization that uplifts girls.
I've had some serious self-esteem issues, especially in the past year. I'm never sure exactly what kind of load I can handle and I'm always sure it's less than I take on. I can juggle for a while, but then I seem to let it all fall down. So as a leader, it makes me nervous because I have 8 girls and another leader depending on me. But it's not just them. The organization depends on me too. I'm also never sure if I am doing something "right." I fear failure to the point it is paralyzing.
I may not plan out our meetings or what patch we're gonna earn this week...my co-leader does that. I feel like most of the time I am along for the ride and I don't do much. But when she told me she couldn't do the meetings without me, I felt much better. I mean, she could have just been saying that....
But at what point do I truly start believing in my abilities? Can't I just be confident that I contribute something? I may screw up, but I can learn from that and do it again better, right?
After my grief support group, I decided to suck it up and actually start doing instead of always being afraid. So that's what I am doing - I am putting myself out there. Oh, I am still scared shitless. But I need to do this. I need to get out there and do things I could be good at. A few opportunities are popping up for me to take on a bigger roll in the organization. And I am excited about them. I could be good at this.
So here's to stepping up and stepping out. Wish me luck.
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