Reaching out across time and space

Last year I did not send any Christmas cards for several reasons. My great grandmother had just died, I'd run out of time and didn't have stamps. Since it was our first year in our new house, this meant no one got an update on our address. So this year, we barely got any cards at all. It's understandable. No one had our new address except those close to us.

This year I got Christmas cards and letters out. I sent one to my grandfather. I haven't spoken to him in 2 or 3 years. Before that it was at least 10 years. I was 13 the last time I saw him. He is my birth mother's father. I no longer have a relationship with my birth mom.

I reached out to him and gave him my email address. I didn't expect anything to come of it. Sunday morning, however, I had an email from him. I was shocked, to be honest. I felt so many emotions at once. Shock, as mentioned, excitement he reached back and anxiety.

I'm not sure why I feel anxiety over this. I guess I feel it could get awkward since I am his granddaughter, but I refuse to talk to his daughter who gave birth to me. Then there's the whole thing about how we haven't had a relationship...well, ever. I do not know him. But I guess this is why people reach out - to get to know each other. I just hope only good can come of this.

There is also the matter of my birth mother's brother's new wife friending my sister, brother and I on Facebook (did you catch that?). I haven't seen my uncle since my high school graduation in '98. He had a whole different wife then. She seems really interested in us, but it's awkward to me because it's her and not him. Does that make sense? And again, how is this all gonna come around to my birth mom?

Maybe getting to know these people again or for the first time will lead to some sort of understanding of where I come from. For the most part, I just have vague stories from people but never anything from the source. I have a feeling these relationships will not produce answers though because I don't think I'll be brave enough to ask.

I'm so confused about this. I'm not sure what to think or feel. I'm cautious about it and that's all I can say about it for sure.