The Strangest Thing

The weirdest thing happened the other day. Brent and I were sitting around talking and he brought up the idea of us moving to Montana. Usually, this conversation totally excites me and gets me going about how much better it would be for us to leave Arizona and how much I hate it here and how the schools suck and the people suck and blah blah blah.

But that didn't happen this time. This time, I felt a mild panic and slight irritation at the idea. It's not that I don't love Montana. I do. I really do hate Arizona. I hate the idea my kids could possibly grow up like the idiots here. No offense to all those who are from Az. It's not your fault education isn't the highest priority.

The mild panic came from "What the hell am I supposed to do in Montana?" Brent's hometown is small and there aren't a lot of opportunities there. It's hard to imagine life there, especially when he's telling me how poor we would be. "What? I'm supposed to work as a waitress at the bar? People move out of small towns to get away from things like that. They don't move to them so they can have those amazing opportunities."

I know I sound really stuck up and bitchy right now. But the truth is, the thought hit me "we've finally built a life here." I've hated it here for so long. I've been lonely and lost. Now I kind of found my niche and I know what I want to do. The idea of picking up and starting over is slightly terrifying to me.

Of course, I know we'll never actually move. We're stuck in this hellhole forever. However, in this hellhole I hate I've found my little bubble I sort of kind of like. (This is killing me admitting this.)

I'm like this cactus.